Loneliness

In the path of celibacy there is a tremendous pressure from the outside world to fit in the mould of the masses. There is no support system unless belonging to a religious, philosophical, or a particular group. That group becomes the support system. Celibacy then is colored by the rules and regulations of that organization. If the person is cut off from the organization, there is no support system and therefore, that person becomes an outcast. Then celibacy is lost due to external pressures which are not related with human desires.

Loneliness is probably the most feared feeling. No one wants to be alone. A human being has a meaning only in relationship with others. The feeling of being alone means mental or physical separation.

Dependency in a system, dependency in a particular organization even though "holy"means plain dependency. A dependent human being is not able to experiment and experience.

Once a person is beyond the "internal fight" to remain celibate, then loneliness is the next step to be conquered in the ladder of spirituality.

Without having the experience of spirituality and God in our lives, loneliness will easily win the inner battle.
A family system is set up to avoid the feeling of seclusion and to assure that as the person ages, someone will take care of that person. Loneliness will make a person subservient of the thought "I do not want to be alone when I age."
Sexuality is used as the binding mechanism between a male and a female. Progeny means survival of the parents until death, or at least that is the thought.
There are no guarantees in life and to be realistic means to understand life from our own perspective which has a tendency to change over time.

Without the experience of that spiritual support in our lives, it will be extremely difficult to remain celibate due to feeling isolated. Loneliness is the test to be surpassed. Once you become acquainted with your own loneliness, you will be ready for the next challenge .

The illusion of desire

I hoped that he would love me,

And he has kissed my mouth,

But I am like a stricken bird

That cannot reach the south.

For though I know he loves me,

To-night my heart is sad;

His kiss was not so wonderful

As all the dreams I had.

by: Sara Teasdale

This poem by Sara Teasdale (one of the best lyrical writings I ‘ve seen from USA poets) describes one of the biggest illusions a human mind has as far as romantic relationships. The same thought could be applied to anything we dream about in life. Reality as “whatever happened” will never match “what I would have liked to happen.”

Sexuality works in the same way. Our mind searches for satisfaction, comfort, a “perfect like” state that will never happen. The desire for “union” and to “fuse” our own personality in other being is part of that psychological longing for perfection, bliss and happiness. The result of this lack of fulfillment is to keep trying and experiencing different thrills, however; our mind is incapable of realizing that perfection, bliss and happiness cannot be attained by physical means.

Sex is pleasurable. Sex will not give anyone bliss or happiness since attaining those states means a constant experience of those. Once sex is over, the next “episode” is sought out. Once repetition becomes dull and boring, changes are necessary to enhance the thrill of it. However, this search for fulfillment becomes like trying to posses the ocean with our own hands. It is impossible.

A mind that is caught up in sensual pleasures for fulfillment of desires will never be satisfied. Our dreams will be always better than our experiences. Bliss and happiness are spiritual experiences which are not related with the physical body.

Even though the mind is thirsty for happiness, it keeps searching and trying to quench that thirst with salty snacks hoping to find the “right person,” “the right experience,” ”the right thrill.”

Life becomes a never ending search of fulfilling dreams. Once we attain that dream, we realize that there is something else that we want to achieve. The spiral of desires keeps growing and humans keep spinning like on a hamster’s wheel, moving fast but going nowhere… until death meets us.

The mind becomes saturated with pleasurable experiences to numb its own painful existence. What painful existence? To experience diseases, to experience departure of loved ones, to experience old age, to experience death. Sex as pleasure, is there to numb the mind and keep it entertained and doped, unable to see the futility of all. Vital energy runs out of our living organisms as if we are deliberately provoking our own suicide, planning our own death sentence “small doses” at the time. The mind is full of unfulfilled desires.

No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed;
Lay that on your heart,
My young angry dear;
This truth, this hard and precious stone,
Lay it on your hot cheek,
Let it hide your tear.
Hold it like a crystal
When you are alone
And gaze in the depths of the icy stone.
Long, look long and you will be blessed:
No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed.

Sara Teasdale.

The mentality of Sexual arousal

Sex is mental. The mind has to be engaged in a pleasurable response, a desire that needs to be fulfilled. The idea of “pleasure” however, is misleading. Sexual tension is released. That relaxation is what causes pleasurable sensations. As sexual tension builds up, the urgency to release that tension also increases. For the normal “Joe” out there, who is usually completely tuned out of sensibility and “normally” stressed out with “busy-ness,” that “release” is the whole source of relaxation. Bodily sensations then are viewed as ultimately a release of sexual tension.

A person who is more in tune with his/her body immediately will feel that such a “release” means a loss of valuable energy which is completely wasted. Practice of these “releases” will assure the birth of a blunt individual who will be unable to transform sexual energy into higher feelings and thus, to “feed” his own emotional and spiritual well being. The paradox is that an individual who practices celibacy without the struggle of renouncing sexuality and who takes care of his emotions as well as his body, will be attractive to others.

Swamis, Gurus and Catholic priests among others struggle to be celibate. For them it is a matter of running away from “temptations.” The word “temptations” implies that inner unresolved struggle, the fight to keep those “devils” inside submerged in the self. There is no a chance to conquer lust and to be celibate in a natural and healthy way unless our feelings have been transformed AND we have learned to transform and circulate our own sexual energy. Spirituality is a key element in this since it will allow an individual to be in tune with his inner self.

Joe “Average,” used to all sorts of noises around him and to be brain washed by the same old propaganda of sexual “release” has a very slim chance to make it in this path. Sensibility is needed. Empathy is needed so you are able to feel someone’s suffering and to empathize with their case. Someone who takes the time to admire the beauty of nature and who takes time and it is not afraid of being alone, who finds silence and inner silence to be enjoyable, that person will certainly make it.

Opposition never conquers. Opposition just opposes. To conquer lust you need to transform yourself first. Spirituality is the path not walked by many, it is the path that leads to self transformation.

Conquering lust and sexual desires

It is commonly thought that sexual intercourse is natural. However, there has been in history different instances when birth has been attained without sexual means. Abraham had a son, Isaac who was born from his old mother and was considered as “Godly gift.” Likewise the birth of Jesus, according to Christianity was an “immaculate birth.” Same with Krishna, even though there are a couple of stories about his birth. For instance, it is believed by Christians that Christ does not have the “original sin” because of his special birth.
If sex and sexuality is that “good,” why diseases, mental anguish and emotional pain go along with it? In a highly sexual society it is incredible the number of diseases that could be acquired due to “unprotected sex.” Ever wonder if taking a pill or wearing a condom is part of the “natural” make up of a sexual experience? Perhaps pornography is needed to enhance a “sweet and loving” relationship? Or how about sexual addiction or the different sexual /power games associated with a so called “natural” experience? The argument that “sex is needed because otherwise humanity will not continue” is a big fallacy. These words will not be read by “humanity” but for those who believe or have an interest in a higher way of life. Those are the ones that could practice this. Humanity will continue in its “old ways” driven by economic forces and brain washing of the media.
To conquer something you need to understand it. This is not theoretical understanding but practically through experience of observing ourselves.
Sex is associated with death. The purpose of it is to create life. The price of creating life is death. This is dualism 101. A pregnant woman sacrifices her own body, which will never be the same again. A man sacrifices its seed which gives him strength. A person used to masturbate will have the following characteristics: Their eyes will lose their brightness; weakness in the body will set in as the person ages, his will power will be greatly reduced and most importantly, that person is enforcing lust as a way to relate with people. Lust is a form of violence because the intention is not the well being of another person but rather to satiate a sexual impulse. Usually a lustful person is an angry person. Even though, anger is enhanced by the belief that it is “normal,” it is a vice which denotes lack of tolerance. An angry person cannot follow the path of celibacy. An angry person uses fear and negative emotions to relate with others. This cannot be “normal” for a human being who talks about “brotherhood” and “peace in the world.” Anger produces chemical imbalances in the body which self destroy and individual. This is self-violence.
To conquer sex lust, anger needs to completely vanish. If a person is lustful, that person will not be able to touch another person without feeling sexual about it. The so called “attraction” sets in as long as there is lust. Without lust, tenderness sets in. Through tenderness a relationship with another human being will not be violent. When sexual energy is transformed into beautiful feelings from the heart chakra, the sense of touch and eyesight change completely. The violent rush to reach orgasm is changed into a meaningful and fulfilling relationship based on feelings.
The sense of touch is an extraordinary sense. Caresses are examples of those feelings of tenderness. Complete relaxation of the body is necessary rather than sexual tension building up. To move that energy from the second chakra to the heart and above is something that “humanity” cannot do, but those who are willing to understand the benefits of celibacy.
Because nowadays spirituality has been left aside, beauty and sensibility are no longer part of the traditional values. Lust has taken human beings even lower than animals. An animal will never have sexual needs by looking at a picture or fantasize about a sexually charged tv program. Human beings into the “virtual” world can do that. Because beauty is not understood, the major worry is to attain a “perfect body” as if everyone was the same. Beauty is thought to be physical when in fact; beauty is not something related with a body. Bodies are proportional and the conjunction of muscles with fat and a good posture will give the sense of balance but beauty resides in the heart. The quality of feelings makes a person beautiful. Someone may be good looking but not beautiful. Sex lust is related with looks and not beauty.Lust can be conquered. When it is not understood running away and closing doors is preached to avoid temptations. When it is understood, there is no need to run away from it. Just like people are afraid of a big tiger whenever it comes, someone who is willing to spend sometime with that tiger in a loving manner can become that tiger’s friend. Conquering sex lust seems like being able to caress the belly of that big tiger. Trust needs to be build up with the tiger, a sense of balance of energies needs to be developed continuously; otherwise that tiger can turn around and eat that person.

The chakra system, spirituality and sexuality

“Chakras” (Wheel) are well known vortexes of energy utilized to balance a person’s emotional health and well being. The understanding of these, will give a person the ability to understand sexuality and sexual energy. There are seven main chakras, which align with the plexuses of the human body (from a western viewpoint) or are situated in the subtle body, expressing themselves through glands or organs in the body (from a spiritual viewpoint.)
The background behind the chakras is the story of “Kundalini Shakti” longing to merge with her beloved Shiva. There is a climbing of stages represented by this energy rising up above the top of the head (top notch.)
In spirituality the chakra systems represent the degrees of “ascension” of a human being into a more elevated being. It is the memorial of the story of how a person can reach God.
In the western world there is a well known theory of motivation, the “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs;” which explains that there is a pyramid which all human beings attempt to climb. It starts on the basic need of survival until he or she reaches “self-realization” which in western terms means to have a “fulfilling” life style which is financially sound as well as emotionally satisfactory. (i.e. Having a house, a career, wife/husband, children and grandchildren, etc.)
The same pyramid is stated in the chakra system.
The first chakra located at the base of the spine means that survival mode. A person who expresses himself through this chakra is merely looking to fulfill his own survival needs. Life becomes a fight for survival. The second chakra located at the sacral area represents some of the emotions which most human beings experience and “filter” life with: pleasure, power and the need to balance the male/female dualism struggle. 99% of human beings will express themselves through this chakra at this time. As a matter of fact, all steps of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs are situated in these 2 chakras.
It is interesting to note that when a person feel sexually aroused, there is the feeling of some energy which “needs to be released,” without the sensibility to rise up that energy and to express it through higher chakras, eventually that precious energy will be lost. The peak of physical excitability cannot be maintained for too long. Romantic media and “brain washed” individuals believe that the sensation of “release” is pleasurable, when in fact; it is not the release in itself but the degrees of increasing tension in the second chakra area through sexual energy. “Releasing” is just the inability of the individual to “hold on” to that energy. That energy can rise up to higher chakras.
The third chakra is located at the solar plexus. That chakra represents will power, self-esteem. It means to be able to realize that there are other things more important in life than to have instant gratification. The ideas of “sacrifice” and “renunciation” are expressed through this chakra. It is a highly “moral” person who surmounts any obstacles through sheer will power. For instance, if the idea of having a spouse or a partner is in the way of their perceived ideal of spirituality; even though these individuals find desirable the idea of having a spouse, they will stoically renounce that in order to follow their “higher ideals.” The downside is that self inflicted emotional pain will have to be endured. This chakra may be known as the one in between the “lower” and “higher ones.” It is in fact through this chakra, how a person is able to maintain chastity even though the outside environment may be opposing to this person wishes. Sheer will power is a game of resisting. Most sages and “holy men” may be using this chakra to remain celibate.
The heart chakra is the next one. Human beings who have developed this chakra will embrace love and the ideal of trust between human beings. Their view and way of expressing themselves is represented by the heart. It is the step to attain “self-healing” after overcoming the emotional wounds of using will power alone. At the beginning of expressing through the heart chakra, will power is used along with love to understand the self and others. Virtues such as patience and sweetness develop. However, those traits are unable to express themselves in an adequate manner since bluntness and straightforwardness without considering someone else’s feelings was the previous way of behavior, which still remains emerged. A person, who just opened up their heart chakra, usually will love to a certain extent before abruptly cutting off connections with others due to perceived threats to their ideals. This chakra will allow a person to have feelings from the heart and rise up their energy to this chakra and express good wishes and pure feeling for a person.
The throat chakra is next. Once love is recognized as the way to interact with oneself, others and the universe (God included ;) a unique and sensible ways of expressing those feelings appear. Some may write, some may sing, some may compose something; some may change their language and way of speaking. “Speak softly, speak sweetly” comes at this point, once this chakra is used for expression. An artist who has developed this chakra will interact with every human being and creature in a loving manner. Thus, it becomes “spiritual artistry” rather than just plain expression of lower needs/wants. An Artist is someone who expresses beauty through different means. Sexually a person will be able to touch another of the opposite sex and express the feelings of his/her heart through touch. Touching is an art in itself and when developed in a spiritual way it can “touch” and heal other human beings.
The third eye chakra represents seeing things as they are rather than a perception given by the physical eyes. At this stage of development “imbibing” virtues takes place. There is a clear recognition of things. In spirituality, it means receiving/imbibing knowledge to go beyond the physical limits. Sexually, the recognition of the self as a spiritual being will be fully realized, at this point the “needs” for sexual gratification will be completely and naturally left behind.
The last chakra is known as the “crown” chakra. This is the equivalent of self realization in Maslow’s terms, when applied into the spiritual path. Here is when the beloved Shiva is finally attained. When going beyond the limits of the self there is the sense of being combined with the Supreme. Spiritual ecstasy or bliss is experienced.
Usually a person will receive some kind spiritual knowledge in their life while expressing oneself in the second chakra or third. From that point, the journey of “ascension” happens or the feeling of being a “sinner” or “less than” will appear since there is the recognition of the existence of higher ideals which a person may feel unable to reach. Here is when devotion starts and when the inner fight to move into a greater direction appears for the first time.
The chakra system represents the story of spiritual ascension. The practical understanding of it will allow a person to master his/her own sexual energy.