One of the challenges when following the path of celibacy is the feeling of awkwardness, not being able to fit again into current standards.
There is some sort of discrimination going on. If you are single and you do not have a partner, automatically you become an outcast, a “something is wrong” case that “needs to be fixed”.
Those pressures can be tolerated up to a point... and then some strategies are needed to deal with this issue. I have done my share of those, but somehow I preferred the straight forward method of “breaking the news” so I can be myself. If you like it good.. if you don't...oh well...
Unfortunately, to be celibate in a sex propelled society is equivalent to having a death sentence over your head. Some people may experience this pressure to be higher than others, depending on how likely they are to be pursued or wanted. Going out, having fun, etc. becomes a difficulty.
Religious minded circles have this intrinsic protection. Members gather and have the same likes and dislikes which makes an ideal environment for support. There are many marriages and partnerships without a sexual life. However, those couples cannot be considered celibate since they may have other sexual practices or their “celibacy” is the product of a dis-functional life style rather than a choice for a higher purpose.
A person practicing celibacy need to be able to survive in this sexual minded environment.
It is my experience that the greatest protection is your commitment to be celibate. If we look at our own lifestyle and see the reason and feel in our hearts that we are following this path because it is an intrinsic expression of ourselves, if what we feel for spirituality or God is represented in this commitment; then no matter what happens around, that value will save our commitment.
Commitment is an extraordinary word. Commitment is related with being faithful to our own path, values, ideas and feelings. True celibacy is a matter of the mind. It deals with our thoughts. If we have not worked with our own feelings and to be able to recognize sexual energy within and be able to transform it; we are kidding ourselves if we think that we can maintain this life style.
If you are by yourself and you do not belong to a particular group for support, you will have a tough time; but the reward is even greater. You will not need to “hide” from others or be afraid of “getting involved with someone”. If you play out the consequences in your mind as if it was a movie being fast forwarded, you will realize that the mirage of something “greater” or “romantically appealing” when losing sight of your chosen path is one of the worst mistakes that we could make against ourselves.
Celibacy for the sake of celibacy is self denial or a psychological, mental or physical issue. Celibacy for the sake of being a spiritual being and discovering yourself is the noblest and rewarding path. Human beings do not realize that are unable to know what is love. Why? Because jealousy, hate, attachment and familiarity are part of our behavior. It is a mirage to pretend to live “ever happily” with someone who has those traits. Therefore, celibacy allows me to go deeper into myself without hurting myself or someone else for the sake of pleasure; and to look at that lust that is tormenting me and others, to closely look at that ego and that anger popping up like an internet ad.. and to do something about it. To work at it. Then perhaps, there will be a time to share our lives with someone, but no until these “normal traits” which prick one another; are gone. That commitment will pay off.
If you keep these things in mind when mingling with someone or when having those social “pressures” thrown at you; it will be easier to “draw the line”. A friend that does not allow you to be yourself... is not your friend. Better alone than in conflictive company.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Experience of Celibacy from a female perspective
Q: Why Celibacy?
A: (12/09) I first adopted it out of being fed up with failed connections that were based on sex. For so long, I was under the illusion that sexual relations was the way to achieve the “ultimate” connection with another but time after time it proved itself to be the ultimate disconnection. The pattern was relentless no matter who the person… We would have some sort of special connection. We would have sex. Then eventually we would end up feeling hurt by one another. I always remembered feeling weak and insecure in the connection with the other person, once we engaged in sexual relations. Things never seemed to make sense and I felt like I lacked some control over myself once the deed was done. So, when I discovered celibacy, I felt very enthusiastic about taking on the practice of not practicing.
My reason for remaining celibate after six years has deepened with experience. It’s the experience of connecting with myself as a soul and having a connection with the Supreme soul that has led way to this depth. Through this connection, I experience myself to be beyond the physical…a metaphysical being. I have experienced different forms of myself and the highest forms are this state of purity that is completely beyond any vibrations of the vices. At this point in time, this is only an experience of myself and not yet a state of being. The good part is that the contrast of purity vs. impurity is very evident. The impressions of the vices are still there and, although many of them have lost power, I have experienced in my spiritual journey what it is like to sustain them. This vice of lust is the one that weakens me the most. I don’t actually have to indulge in the act for it’s neighboring impressions to appear. It’s all a matter of looking to others for sense of self, comfort, protection, etc. It’s starts with attraction and ends with addiction. The soul becomes dependent on the other for these experiences. The intellect stops functioning properly but, worse then before, the intellect has the experience of wisdom and truth and so a serious battle takes place. It’s almost as if one could watch the quality of the soul degrade before the eyes. Like seeing a roaring fire turned to a shimmering amber.
A: (8/10)
Through this Spiritual journey, I have begun to experience a significant amount of spiritual power and virtues. Seeing these things in action is enough to keep me on this path. Before this path, I don’t remember thinking about or even know if I knew what celibacy or lust was?
Even after becoming celibate I have had much lust inside. Although I’ve continued to abstain, I have discovered that sex is the most overt form of lust…the ultimate satisfaction…sort of the end result of what is going on inside. Realistically speaking, I know that sex doesn’t just happen. There is a whole wealth of things going on inside before it happens. I’ve observed in myself that it starts with this desire to be close to a particular person. I create them in my mind and use these thoughts to sustain all sorts of feelings and vibes. That’s never enough though. It moves onto wanting to spend time with the person and needing to get to know them. Still that isn’t enough. Next I need to touch them. And yet that’s not enough. I then must move onto kissing. Why stop there? It doesn’t stop until sex happens. Eventually the sex with that person gets old and then the mind turns to another to sustain these feelings. One of the problems with me is that I have a difficult time letting go. Even though I might recognize that this source has been depleted, it’s like I get locked into seeing that connection as my only means for those feelings. I’m not able to see clearly. I tend to fight to protect and maintain this connection but the more I do this then the more I suffocate and push away the partner. Then the person rejects me even more and eventually I feel hurt and/or angry. One of us eventually disconnects and moves onto others. This cycle continues.
Although I haven’t taken it quite this far since I’ve been celibate, I have played out the emotions enough to see the pattern. The difference lately is that I have experienced internal power through my spiritual endeavors and have seen what virtues look like in action. Now, even when I experience myself going into the rudimentary forms of lust, like longing to be close to someone, I feel that power decrease. The more I go into these feelings, the less power I feel. It also seems to have an effect on my quality of being. I don’t see virtues come out in my actions as much. I guess it is because with lust I am in this state of taking from others. Virtues seem to be a giving force. They are independent of need. They are the result of self sovereignty. Lust makes me completely reliant on an external source for my sense of self, happiness, comfort, etc. When I am free from this, I am able to give. My mind isn’t bound to another and, therefore I am not preoccupied with finding external means to sustain this source. I am then able to see things clearly and free to be whatever I need to be or give whatever I need to give in any given circumstance. The liveliest virtues I experience from this state of being are sensibility, cooperation and creativity.
Another thing I have experienced from remaining celibate is the difference in the quality of my connections with others. Not being tied to a particular person because of lust has made me available for other connections. Because I am not constantly being pulled by this need to be with a particular person and am therefore available for different kinds of connections. From this, I have watched my connections with friends, family, co-workers and even perfect strangers grow and deepen. I have also discovered the value and beauty of friendships. I value them because they are instrumental in my spiritual growth. I find them beautiful because they provide the closeness and warmth from sharing while maintaining independence from one another. My previous reflection on celibacy states that I thought that sex was the ultimate connection with another. Now I am finding that friendship is because it seems that it is the kind of connection with others that is balanced and more able to maintain a higher level of connecting. Of course the correct connection with the self pervades all connections.
A: (12/09) I first adopted it out of being fed up with failed connections that were based on sex. For so long, I was under the illusion that sexual relations was the way to achieve the “ultimate” connection with another but time after time it proved itself to be the ultimate disconnection. The pattern was relentless no matter who the person… We would have some sort of special connection. We would have sex. Then eventually we would end up feeling hurt by one another. I always remembered feeling weak and insecure in the connection with the other person, once we engaged in sexual relations. Things never seemed to make sense and I felt like I lacked some control over myself once the deed was done. So, when I discovered celibacy, I felt very enthusiastic about taking on the practice of not practicing.
My reason for remaining celibate after six years has deepened with experience. It’s the experience of connecting with myself as a soul and having a connection with the Supreme soul that has led way to this depth. Through this connection, I experience myself to be beyond the physical…a metaphysical being. I have experienced different forms of myself and the highest forms are this state of purity that is completely beyond any vibrations of the vices. At this point in time, this is only an experience of myself and not yet a state of being. The good part is that the contrast of purity vs. impurity is very evident. The impressions of the vices are still there and, although many of them have lost power, I have experienced in my spiritual journey what it is like to sustain them. This vice of lust is the one that weakens me the most. I don’t actually have to indulge in the act for it’s neighboring impressions to appear. It’s all a matter of looking to others for sense of self, comfort, protection, etc. It’s starts with attraction and ends with addiction. The soul becomes dependent on the other for these experiences. The intellect stops functioning properly but, worse then before, the intellect has the experience of wisdom and truth and so a serious battle takes place. It’s almost as if one could watch the quality of the soul degrade before the eyes. Like seeing a roaring fire turned to a shimmering amber.
A: (8/10)
Through this Spiritual journey, I have begun to experience a significant amount of spiritual power and virtues. Seeing these things in action is enough to keep me on this path. Before this path, I don’t remember thinking about or even know if I knew what celibacy or lust was?
Even after becoming celibate I have had much lust inside. Although I’ve continued to abstain, I have discovered that sex is the most overt form of lust…the ultimate satisfaction…sort of the end result of what is going on inside. Realistically speaking, I know that sex doesn’t just happen. There is a whole wealth of things going on inside before it happens. I’ve observed in myself that it starts with this desire to be close to a particular person. I create them in my mind and use these thoughts to sustain all sorts of feelings and vibes. That’s never enough though. It moves onto wanting to spend time with the person and needing to get to know them. Still that isn’t enough. Next I need to touch them. And yet that’s not enough. I then must move onto kissing. Why stop there? It doesn’t stop until sex happens. Eventually the sex with that person gets old and then the mind turns to another to sustain these feelings. One of the problems with me is that I have a difficult time letting go. Even though I might recognize that this source has been depleted, it’s like I get locked into seeing that connection as my only means for those feelings. I’m not able to see clearly. I tend to fight to protect and maintain this connection but the more I do this then the more I suffocate and push away the partner. Then the person rejects me even more and eventually I feel hurt and/or angry. One of us eventually disconnects and moves onto others. This cycle continues.
Although I haven’t taken it quite this far since I’ve been celibate, I have played out the emotions enough to see the pattern. The difference lately is that I have experienced internal power through my spiritual endeavors and have seen what virtues look like in action. Now, even when I experience myself going into the rudimentary forms of lust, like longing to be close to someone, I feel that power decrease. The more I go into these feelings, the less power I feel. It also seems to have an effect on my quality of being. I don’t see virtues come out in my actions as much. I guess it is because with lust I am in this state of taking from others. Virtues seem to be a giving force. They are independent of need. They are the result of self sovereignty. Lust makes me completely reliant on an external source for my sense of self, happiness, comfort, etc. When I am free from this, I am able to give. My mind isn’t bound to another and, therefore I am not preoccupied with finding external means to sustain this source. I am then able to see things clearly and free to be whatever I need to be or give whatever I need to give in any given circumstance. The liveliest virtues I experience from this state of being are sensibility, cooperation and creativity.
Another thing I have experienced from remaining celibate is the difference in the quality of my connections with others. Not being tied to a particular person because of lust has made me available for other connections. Because I am not constantly being pulled by this need to be with a particular person and am therefore available for different kinds of connections. From this, I have watched my connections with friends, family, co-workers and even perfect strangers grow and deepen. I have also discovered the value and beauty of friendships. I value them because they are instrumental in my spiritual growth. I find them beautiful because they provide the closeness and warmth from sharing while maintaining independence from one another. My previous reflection on celibacy states that I thought that sex was the ultimate connection with another. Now I am finding that friendship is because it seems that it is the kind of connection with others that is balanced and more able to maintain a higher level of connecting. Of course the correct connection with the self pervades all connections.
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