The illusion of desire

I hoped that he would love me,

And he has kissed my mouth,

But I am like a stricken bird

That cannot reach the south.

For though I know he loves me,

To-night my heart is sad;

His kiss was not so wonderful

As all the dreams I had.

by: Sara Teasdale

This poem by Sara Teasdale (one of the best lyrical writings I ‘ve seen from USA poets) describes one of the biggest illusions a human mind has as far as romantic relationships. The same thought could be applied to anything we dream about in life. Reality as “whatever happened” will never match “what I would have liked to happen.”

Sexuality works in the same way. Our mind searches for satisfaction, comfort, a “perfect like” state that will never happen. The desire for “union” and to “fuse” our own personality in other being is part of that psychological longing for perfection, bliss and happiness. The result of this lack of fulfillment is to keep trying and experiencing different thrills, however; our mind is incapable of realizing that perfection, bliss and happiness cannot be attained by physical means.

Sex is pleasurable. Sex will not give anyone bliss or happiness since attaining those states means a constant experience of those. Once sex is over, the next “episode” is sought out. Once repetition becomes dull and boring, changes are necessary to enhance the thrill of it. However, this search for fulfillment becomes like trying to posses the ocean with our own hands. It is impossible.

A mind that is caught up in sensual pleasures for fulfillment of desires will never be satisfied. Our dreams will be always better than our experiences. Bliss and happiness are spiritual experiences which are not related with the physical body.

Even though the mind is thirsty for happiness, it keeps searching and trying to quench that thirst with salty snacks hoping to find the “right person,” “the right experience,” ”the right thrill.”

Life becomes a never ending search of fulfilling dreams. Once we attain that dream, we realize that there is something else that we want to achieve. The spiral of desires keeps growing and humans keep spinning like on a hamster’s wheel, moving fast but going nowhere… until death meets us.

The mind becomes saturated with pleasurable experiences to numb its own painful existence. What painful existence? To experience diseases, to experience departure of loved ones, to experience old age, to experience death. Sex as pleasure, is there to numb the mind and keep it entertained and doped, unable to see the futility of all. Vital energy runs out of our living organisms as if we are deliberately provoking our own suicide, planning our own death sentence “small doses” at the time. The mind is full of unfulfilled desires.

No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed;
Lay that on your heart,
My young angry dear;
This truth, this hard and precious stone,
Lay it on your hot cheek,
Let it hide your tear.
Hold it like a crystal
When you are alone
And gaze in the depths of the icy stone.
Long, look long and you will be blessed:
No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed.

Sara Teasdale.