Love in the “cause and effect” movie of actions.

In the topic of emotions, there is one powerful emotion which most everyone is trying to run away from. That is to experience loneliness. The price of not finding a suitable person is defined as loneliness. At least that is the way most would think.
Loneliness is such a dreaded emotion that many are willing to put up with anyone or anything even if that means “hell” for them; as long as they do not feel alone.

The opposite of that loneliness is to have company, although physical company is the only extent that most will experience.

Relationships in our societies are based on the premise of avoiding loneliness at any price.

From a pure spiritual perspective, the experience of loneliness means to face our own reality of feeling disconnected to be connected with our own self and from this position to regain a new connection with others, by being “centered” first. Knowing our own “center” allows us to go back to it when feeling out of balance.

Interestingly, it is impossible to live without connections with other beings, however; the sensation of loneliness is all pervading as long as it does not match our “expectation” of what “should be.”
That expectation usually does not match our own needs but, it is tinted with external voices, opinions and traditions which pressure the individual into something which they may not be ready to face.

It is impossible to live happily in a relationship with another, unless we are truly self sufficient and have been able to live with our own selves, in a few words; to be able to transform that loneliness into being alone, into experiencing the beauty of being aware of the self in all dimensions: likes, dislikes, quirks, vices, virtues, feelings and tendencies. That awareness brings knowledge about the self as if I am looking at another individual in a detached way and through that objective knowledge, I could learn to relate in proper terms with another.
Death of a loved one or even termination of a “relationship” marks that space to test the waters of our ability to be alone. Without this practice, loneliness, fear, anguish, desperation and even guilt will surface and a person without inner strenght will rush into another relationship, just to forget the pain and anguish produced by the end of the previous one. This is a sour discovery of not knowing what love is, but rather attachment and emotional dependency to another. Sort of like drinking alcohol to forget. Sort of like indulging in different pleasurable experiences to forget our own self inflicted sorrow.

That sorrow escalates according to the same intensity of the pleasure or happiness that a particular relationship has brought into our lives. This is knowledge of duality, of the eternal opposites which will manifest sooner or later.

Similarly, because we live in a web of relationships, the person which we meet, the one that we get to know, that we get to like or dislike, all of those magical things which appear to be “marvelous” and “enchanting” are just consequences of that principle of “cause and effect.” It surely will be bait ready to be eaten...again.

Whatever we have done before will self perpetuate in our own lives as long as we remain the same. Notice that I don't write :”as long as we keep doing the same,” but rather “being the same.” Doing is the consequence of being. We do wrong if our weaknesses overtake our values/virtues in a particular situation.

Therefore, the root cause of our inability to deal with a web of bondage of relationships in life goes back to our inability to know honestly our own self. That ability comes when living in a space of “loneliness.” Sometimes that which we fear, is the thing that we need the most.

On love and relationships

Many times fulfillment is found when we find another (??)... Paradoxically, that is far from fulfillment.

Finding another for company could be constructive once we are at ease with our own selves, once loneliness is completely gone, not through others but in "self-relationship." This is a basic axiom of finding spirituality in our life. Without a closer look "inside" we cannot pretend to reach the "outside" with edification in our lives. Society in general, and its "laws" and traditions dictates that "togetherness" is in fact necessary. A "couple" is needed to reproduce and to care for its own off-springs, sort of what animals do in their own hierarchical structure. However, ego, lust, anger and other economically exploited weaknesses belong to humans. That lack of ego in animals allows them to live in a very ordained way for self preservation of their own species. That structure allows them to survive.... unless the egotistical human being appears in their path.

Two human beings displaying ego, lust, anger and attachment could never find what love is; for love is selfless. There is no motive to it. No transaction. No "kickback."

Western human beings in general believe in "falling in love," (something unknown to other cultures) and in making such a state to last for a lifetime. That is an illusion. "Falling in love" does not mean a lasting relationship. Commitment means a lasting relationship, however; commitment is not necessarily related with "falling in love" but perhaps surprisingly, is related with love. "True" love.

Commitment is a mature way of relating. It is no longer about "me" and my needs which need to be fulfilled by "you." Nor about "you" being before "me." Commitment places value in a relationship and what it implies to keep it alive. A relationship means "togetherness" and in that "individuality" is merged. Commitment demonstrates care. It is about actions. It is about walking our own talk.

There cannot be commitment to another unless we find meaning in committing to our own selves first. That commitment entails the pursue of those values which enhances our own life and the the lives of others. That is called sometimes, self-respect. It is through the nourishing soil of self-respect how its fruit, love; appears.

The experience of love in our lives brings the ideal of beauty close to our hearts. Those feelings become our own "fuel" our own self fulfillment and magically; enlighten the path of others touched by that light. Love transcends "me" to reach others, when "me" is no longer there.